I was not your typical teenager and I was not popular. I watched through the window when my neighbors went to prom. I tried out for the dance team three times and never made it. My friends got asked to parties and I went to church activities (which I think were even funner). I enjoyed studying. But a people person I was not. I had grown up with thick glasses and few friends. I spent a lot of my childhood reading books in a corner. This did not help my social skills. I often wonder if today they would have labeled me as having some type of anxiety. And maybe I did. I was scared to death of speaking to others and often felt awkward and out of sorts in social situations. How did I make it through my teenage years without feeling unhappy and angry at life?
I had wonderful parents. Somewhere along the line my mom, who had worked at a social service agency before being a stay-at-home mother, decided to get me involved in a Big Brother-Big Sister program in Oregon. I was given the opportunity to be the “big sister” to a sweet little foster girl who needed someone special in her life. I did too. I picked her up and took her to ice cream or jumped with her on my family’s trampoline. I did this throughout high school. She was the flower girl at my wedding. She visited me at college. Doing this program and many other volunteer projects at church and in my community including volunteering at the local hospital and serving people at the homeless shelter gave meaning to my life and helped me overcome some of my natural fear of people. I am grateful for a mother who taught me to look outside myself.
The Greater Good Science Center out of Berkeley recently published an article showing many of the science-based benefits of volunteer work. Volunteers had better mental health and were more likely to rate their lives as being satisfactory. Furthermore, unhappy people who started volunteering experienced more happiness and well-being as they engaged in volunteer service.
Parents these days are continually pushing their children to succeed in sports, to be better looking, and to get better grades. But perhaps their children would benefit more emotionally and socially from service. A friend I admire once said that the most important trait we should be working to develop in our children is kindness. Why are we often more excited about our children being the most popular or the best soccer player than about them caring for others? If we truly want our children to be happy and if we truly want society to be a more caring, kinder space maybe we should try service instead.
Saplings and Sunflowers 